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Jesus Christ! I don't have anything to top that, but I've come close.
Here's another long story.
One night when I was a freshman in college, , my roommates a few friends and I go on a bender. We get completely hammered, half of us are completely stoned, then we decide that it's time to steal ****. We go out around college and start grabbing everything that isn't bolted down, but nothing that was actually worth anything. I grabbed a handicapped parking sign halfway across the campus and run back with it. By the time I got back to the dorm, everyone else had already brought loads in. We had traffic signs, cones (eventually we stole the entire UPD cache of cones), wood palettes, beach chairs, and a host odf other goodies that we grabbed just because we could. At the time, my friends and I were reading alot of Hunter S. Thompson. We unanimously decided to push it as far as we could, so we smoke a bowl of some great weed, grab a bottle of whiskey, and the six or so of us pile into the back of Andrew's Jeep to do some raids on the surrounding communities. We stole a few tiki men from an outlet mall, some lawn gnomes, and a newspaper box.
Well anyway, we get back to the campus completely smashed (I don't remember all of this, but most of it was on video), someone has to piss, so we stop next to an empty cop car to piss into the gas tank. We then key the ****er and throw the now empty whiskey bottle at the car as hard as we can cracking the windshield.
After this we precariously drove back to the dorm and start to unload. The hatch must have been open for two seconds when the cops arrive. We didn't even see them until they were about 100 feet away. Everyone splits with the newspaper box half in the trunk except Andrew. I turn around as I'm trying to discreetly stagger back to my dorm, and see Andrew flagging them down, and I'm thinking that he was selling us out to save his own skin.
We all made it back into the dorm room without any police trouble, and start looking out of the third floor window to see what's going on. The red and blue lights aren't on, but I see Andrew chatting with the cops. The cops then move the newspaper box in between the parking spaces so it's out of the way, wave to Andrew and then leave.
Andrew gets up to the dorm room and we naturally asked him what happened. He flagged the police down and told them that some crazy drunks were trying to put it under the rear wheels to try to block him in! In the mean time, the Jeep is obviously full of stolen goods and all of the newspapers from the newspaper box, and te trunk was open. Basically, there were alot of loose ends that the cops didn't see.
Unfortunately, some girl who was not invited to the party who we had to throw out earlier in the night was talking to the cops because she was wandering around ****-faced. In her drunken rambling conversation with the cops, they tell her about what happened, and she told them that it was us.
The cops came back later that night and took pictures through the rear window of the jeep of all of the stuff, and the next day, there were cops parked in the parking lot waiting for us. They were knocking on our door for two hours one day, and since we couldn't hide the stuff (too much of it), we chose to not answer the door as we were looking through online legal resources to see if we had the right to ignore them. Turns out that we did, so eventually he got bored and went back down to his car.
At that point, since Andrew is the only person they know was involved, he decided to go down and talk to them. They told him that they came back and took photos and that they were trying to get a warrant to search the dorm.
At that point, we knew that we were ****ed. The entrance to the dorms were all exposed to the outside air, so the cops could see our only exit from their parking spots. We couldn't get anything out, so we mobilized a distraction.
All around campus were these blue pillars with a button on them that will put you in immediate contact with the pigs. We got every friend we could to press the buttons on about 10 of them far from our dorm, making the cops leave for a potential emergency. This gave us enough time to get some of the stuff out and move our cars into the spots that the cops could see the dorm from.
The cops came back a few minutes later and got other spots in which they could still see the hallway, but not our dorm. This gave us enough space to go out the back with the stuff and walk along the beach about 1/4 mile to dump it in a secluded parking lot.
We got it all out under the eyes of the cops then put in an anonymous call about the stuff being dumped there.
The next day, the cops got their warrants. We had everyone involved bring their trash over and dump it on our floor so that the cops would need to sort through garbage in order to search the room.
It was so great. We became legends on campus after that.
At no point during this were any of us sober enough to legally drive.
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