A little humor: Oil changes
 

This was sent to me from Diemaster. I remembered this when JanGeo said he needs to change his own oil.

Oil Change instructions for Women
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

Oil Change Instructions for Men:


1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree; write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7-ELEVEN and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8.) Look for 9/16 box end wrench
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil---splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.


Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total - - $4,165.00
But you know the job was done right!

hahahaha gold
 

hahahaha gold

Ha! Sad part is that its
 

Ha! Sad part is that its almost true! I will admit though, the last time I took one of my cars someplace to have them change to oil, they didn't tighten the filter well enough and one morning when the car was cold, I blew the filter gasket and sprayed about 3 quarts of oil out on the road. THANK GOD I noticed in the rear view and quickly turned the engine off. Messy clean up, ***** to push home, and needed another oil change. The place that changed it in the first place refused to do anything. I've done it myself since... though its really gotta be cheaper to pay someone...

wow
 

Wow it's a good thing I don't drink!

I change the Geo on the ground - just lay down in front of the car and reach under and loosen the plug holding it in as I turn it until it is unscrewed and then pull it away quickly - usually only get a few drops on my hand. Let it drain really good to get all the old oil out then add a little fresh until is start to come out of the drain hole and put the plug back in. Filter is a little tricker but I also fill the filter with fresh oil before I screw it on so it is pumping oil instead of air when it first starts up. I also drain the oil back into the empty oil bottles and watch for junk in the drain oil so I can see what is going on in the engine. Let the filter drain in the pan also to remove it's oil before putting back in the new empty box. Now this entire process takes about half an hour of my time when I feel like doing it or need to do it and I work on a sheet of cardbord from an old box to catch the spills. Don't have to wait in some waiting room while some greasy oil monkey sits in my clean car seat changing the oil and putting in somthing cheep and screwing the filter on with a wrench. Had a friend loose his drain plug in the tunnel into Boston and had to drive it with no oil to get it off the road. Never had to go back to those guys again to get his oil changed - engine was toast! Of course changing my own oil has a drawback since there has not been oil recycling around until recently. I have a 12+ year collection of old motor oil and filters sitting in my bedroom.

The xB will no longer have this problem once I change over to Synlube - they recycle the oil if you ever run the engine long enough to need to change it again. No more changing oil before or after a long trip or worrying about is it too windy to drain the oil outside or too cold. Not to mention the price of good oil going up for the next ten years. And I am buying a product made in the USA too! (by a Russian ha ha)

Oil change
 

My F350 takes 15 quarts, and the dealer charges $80! And Jiffy Lube doesn't do diesels. Thankfully, the oil change interval is 7500 miles.

I literally bent over and grabbed my ankles when I bought that Ford.

Re: Oil change
 

15 quarts! HOLY CRAP! Remind me to never drive a truck :P

Re: Oil change
 

My '78 Ford F-250 only takes 5 quarts. The only problem is that it only gets about 9-12 mpg on a good day. :sick:

gallons
 

Yeah that sounds about right for an oil cooled motor! Geo takes 3 quarts and can run ok on 2 just before an oil change and 7-8k miles between changes with syntec castrol. What you should be thinking about if you plan on keeping the monster oil eaters is going to Synlube and the first hit is tough at about $35 a quart but forget about changing it for 100,000-150,000 miles so in the long run you spend less on oil. Plus you get PTFE, Graphite and Moly to reduce friction and improve MPG.

Ford trucks probably could do well with tranny and differential oil changes to a synthetic gear lube as that is where a lot of the losses occur.

Quote:Ford trucks probably
 

When I can afford it I want to put synthetics in the tranny and differential. As for Synlube in my Saturn, I couldn't afford to use it until I get my oil usage down.

Synlube reply from Miro
 

As much as we like to sell our products to new customers, the 15 quart Diesel trucks (gas only takes 5 to 7) are bit problematic, first there is extremely high incidence of engine failures for all kinds of reasons (not caused by SynLube) but FORD now being nearly bankrupt is looking for any excuse not to warranty them.

The engines (some of them) drink oil as much as quart every 1,200 to 1,500 miles, ISUZU diesels in GM trucks for example go 16,000 miles or more on quart.

So people have to be aware that SynLube is not a mechanic in a bottle ant that it will not fix design problems or poor workmanship in Mexico (that is where the international engines are made).

Of course people never want to hear that the vehicle they just bought is of inherently bad design and lousy workmanship, but it is so bad that FORD now actually offers $2,500 loyalty cash back if people trade the cursed diesels (2000-2005) in for a new one!

Ford in past has bought back the really bad ones from mostly commercial customers, but they really do not care if they loose few private owners of the medium duty trucks.

Syn-cerely

Miro Kefurt
https://www.synlube.com/

Quote:So people have to be
 

It seems synlube has a poor opinion of mexicans. If I got paid hardly enough to survive to work in a sprawling, unsafe, ununionized factory every day for endless hours I might not assemble and engine too well either. But I guess we're allowed to treat them like slaves and expect them to be perfect at the same time, because we're U.S. citizens.

Re: Quote:So people have to be
 

I'm unsure where this angry rant came from, but I don't treat people in Mexico like slaves, and I'm assuming neither do you. If you have an issue with the way Mexican workers are treated then you need to take issue with their bosses, not with consumers.

yeah what Matt said
 

Yeah What Matt said - and I didn't vote for Bush either and know that the mess over in the middle east is not going away in my lifetime and I expect to live a pretty long time. Quality is always a function of what the executives want in the product not the workers abilities. AND WHO YOU MEAN BY WE??? lol

Oh yeah it was not supposed to be a political just information about the quality of the Ford Motors.

We, communally, do treat
 

We, communally, do treat them like that. It is not just an issue to take up with Ford, it is an issue with this country.

That angry rant came from the fact that I have seen the Ford plant in Mexico. I know how Mexicans live and I know that they look up to our country as a place of opportunity.

Yet we still shut them out because we are afraid "their" culture will dominate "our" culture. Immigration has been big in the news lately, and the one thing no one wants to do is grant amnesty.

I ask, what is so bad about amnesty? I thought this country was about "give us your poor, your hungry..." all that ****. But no, it seems like we communally have decided that we built this country and now we're going to keep it to ourselves.

Then we go and send the work to somewhere else where we can indirectly abuse the workers, say we're helping bring them industry, then turn around and tell them to get the **** out when they make the crazy assume they have as much right as anyone else to live in the US.

To respond to you, jangeo, I
 

To respond to you, jangeo, I know quality mainly depends on ford, but the guy who emailed you said it was poor mexican workmanship, not poor ford designs. I was not speaking to you, just to the synlube guy.

PS: I was just trying to say, we cannot fault Mexican workmanship for no reason just because it's convenient. But I do like to discuss this country's relationship with Mexico.

YEah
 

Yeah I hear ya but he is a Russian and a bit blunt about his observations. We have a lot of foreigners that get off cruise ships and stay in Newport to work. Many are short dark skinned wearing jeans and work boots. May be Mexicans I don't know for sure. But sometimes I get a little embarrased to be called an american too.

Bluntness is the best, in my
 

Bluntness is the best, in my opinion. I shy away from the term American, because there are really two American continents, chock full of Americans, but only some of them live in the U.S. ;)

I was suprized while reading
 

I was suprized while reading the factory service manual for my vw diesel rabbit the other day, 10,000 mile oil change, 15,000 filter change... of course the filter is the size of a coffee can, and the engine only holds 3.5 quarts of oil.


I try not to buy stuff that is not made, or sold by people who have jobs that I deffently wouldn't want "mexicans are taking the jobs that amarican's don't want" is it that the jobs are that bad, or that amarican's are that lazy? if the jobs are that bad then they should get paid MORE for doing the lousy jobs, not less, but mostly I think that people are short sighted, and are not willing to pay 10% more for something that will last twice as long, or maybe people are just bad at math.

Ford motors
 

The Powerstroke motor in my truck hasn't given me any mechanical problems, and I have no idea whether it's Mexican or not. My main ***** is the poor mileage.

I remember when the first Dodge diesels came out in the '90s. They got mileage in the mid 20's, which was great. Now all the big three truck manufacturers use overpowered turbocharged/intercooled diesels that struggle to get mileage in the high teens.

If you ask me, the problem isn't Mexican labor, it's American marketing of power and speed instead of fuel economy. Why can't Ford/Navistar split the Powerstroke in half to produce a 160 HP, 3.0 liter four cylinder? A 160 HP diesel is not far from the original Cummins/Dodge non-intercooled power rating.

It would be enough for a 1/2 or 3/4 ton pickup, and it would get close to 30 mpg highway. I'd be happy as a clam it high tide with mileage like that.

Mexican
 

I think there is a way of telling by the VIN seems the first letter J in my Scion means made in Japan so maybe if yours started with M it would be made in Mexico. Yeah power sells or so we are led to believe by the marketing people - same with vacuum cleaners - they make them noisy so they seem powerful - get a central house vac and it is weird not to hear anything but air being sucked in to a hose in the wall.

This is also why I bought the 1.5 liter Scion - plenty of power.

If crime and huge government spending didn't follow poor people, I'd imagine a lot less people would be apprehensive in letting these people become citizens. Oh and well, you know, that whole "illegal" thing..

Back to the oil change topic, I recently changed the oil, did a tune-up, and detailed a Honda Pilot for a guy I work with. He had always taken it to the local lube joint for oil changes. When I changed the oil, I was surprised to learn that the threads from the oil pan were almost completely stripped off. The drain plug was threaded in 1/2 turn (that's all the thread that was left) and was essentially glued in place by a liquid-gasket material. The oil change place claimed no fault, of course.

The poor guy was stuck buying an oil pan.

yes, be careful of where your services are done...

my neighbor's nephew had the motor in his year old(~10k miles) suzuki seize due to sludge. he had the oil changed religiously on time, at wally world. the manufacturer denied replacement because they claimed wal-mart used the wrong grade of oil.

is wal-mart liable?

anyway, he and a mechanic friend tore down the motor and used 39, yes 39 cans of cleaner to de-sludge it. they put it back together, and it runs yet again. i wonder about future issues.

i'll stick w/ my synthetic oil thank you.

I've gone well more than 10k miles between oil changes and not had a sludge problem. However, most of my driving is long enough distance that any acids in the oil are boiled off. But, if he had his oil changed on time there must have been some other problem rather than the oil...unless they were replacing his oil with the stuff from the recycle barrel...if it was really crusty old oil that might do it...

i would question walmart's practices. but i often wonder about different climates and the affects on oil. and of course, driving habits. it's uncertain how many short trips he took in his first year of ownership, however.

I have always used Pennzoil conventional oil. I have always changed the oil at 3,000 miles in all of my older vehicles (2,000 in my old Ford, when I was 16 and didn't know better). I change the oil at 4,500-5,000 miles in my '05 Civic since it is fairly new and the oil is still relatively clean at 3,000 miles. It is also convenient for me, since I usually put about 4,500 miles on the 2005 Civic in the amount of time it takes to put 3,000 on the VX. I've never had any sludge or viscosity problems. I could probably go longer between oil changes with synthetic oil, but with the cost difference, I fail to see the benefit. For those who want to go the full recommended distance between oil changes (or even a little longer), I would recommend synthetic.

One thing Mexicans have that Americans don't.

American Work Ethic.

my shop gets a car a week from walmart that we gotta fix. best one was when walmart punched a hole in the filter of an acura trying to get it off, failed, and sent the guy on his way minus $20 without telling him he had the old filter on much less a hole in it. Guy came to us cause we were 1/2 block away and there was a trail of oil from walmart and the bottom/rear was covered. Friend of mine took his car to a jiffy lube and they forgot to put the drain plug back in. called him 5 mins later telling him to pull over and turn the engine off cause they found it on the floor. didn't give him a new engine cause it didn't actually blow up.

My mom had a local mechanic forget to put the drain plug back in. She should have kept that car and seen how many more miles she'd get from it...the new car she bought had a badly designed engine that failed young.

My truck had a leaking seal when it was new and ran dry because I thought the low engine oil light had to be a failed sensor. I eventually brought it in for the sensor and they replaced the seal (and told me about the oil). It now has 186,000 miles on it and runs great. Running dry temporarily is not a death sentence.

Back in the days of dial up I came across a paper that discussed just that. The basics as I remember are that there is always some oil that gets scorched. These scorched particles become acid when mixed with water. The oil needs to be changed when the acid neutralizers get used up.
Climate and driver habit affect how much water gets into the oil. Greater the difference between ambient and engine temps, the more likely condensation will happen within the engine during cool down. Short trips don't boil off all the water before mixing and forming acids.
The author, in the UK, recommended changing the oil three times a year; before winter, after winter, and the middle of summer. For those who have to have a mileage interval, 5000 miles, but out of the 5 or 6 influences on oil life mileage was at the bottom of the list.

As to sludge, I believe that's more an issue with the detergent in the oil. Too much oil scorching and there is too many particles for the detergents to carry to the filter or out the drain plug, and they clump up and settle out. In that case, the problem would have been endemic to the engine line, like Toyota's 2.4L from a though years back, or happen again in the engine after the cleanout, without anything else fixed.
Or there wasn't enough detergent in the oil to begin with. Such as using a non-detergent flat 30 weight oil. At a wal-mart or other similiar auto center/super store, they could even have been using chain saw bar oil.

trollbait,

good post. i didn't get all the details, but the kid's 10k miles on a "year old" car could have really been 18 months of all short trips. and walmart could have been using used oil.

i think toyota's sludge issues were related to the engine block design. they changed to coolant ports(i believe) making the oil heat beyond what it was capable of handling.

changing oil 3 times per year? makes sense for conventional oil i suppose. i don't use the stuff myself.

Should stated it was in reference to conventional oil.

Synthetics are more heat tolerant. Which means less scorched particles, and thus less acid formed in the same time. I usually go 10k miles when using synthetics.

Toyota was trying to save money on manufacturing. I heard the blocks had fewer coolant channels. Whatever the reason, the oil got cooked.

The lesson is, when you have problems with the engine and oil is suspected, get the oil in the engine tested.

The HHR has GM's oil monitoring system. During the spring/summer it called for a change at 7500 miles. In fall it went 6700.